Wild Chapter 20

[meredavey]

Title: Wild
Author: meredavey
Series: Brotherhood (although it can stand on its own)
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Rating: NC-17
Word Count for this chapter: 1,028 (22,814 overall)
Summary: Ed decides he wants to find love, something wild, something vibrant and above all something passionate.
Notes: Because I've had a really bad start to my semester, I'm posting this.

Ed felt his breathing stop. If Roy said ‘yes’, Ed didn’t know what he would do. Besides, Ed was still trying to wrap the idea that Roy had ever loved anyone enough to become engaged. Ed had always assumed that Hawkeye would one day become his wife. She seemed the only woman able to put up with him. But apparently Roy had fallen in love with someone else and Ed hated every moment of this conversation. He liked Abigail, but he hated her for bringing all this to the surface. She had complicated everything ten-fold

Roy didn’t say anything for a few moments, but he let his eyes close for a second before they opened again.

“How do I even answer that, Abigail? It’s a catch-twenty two.”

“Answer me,” Abigail demanded. “I deserve an answer, and so does he,” she pointed at Ed.

Ed didn’t really want than answer though, he’d prefer the lie to the truth, he thought.

Roy looked at Ed briefly, and for a moment Ed thought he saw apology in those dark eyes and then,

“Yes. I suppose I do still love you.”

Abigail looked triumphant for a moment. “Then, truthfully, why did you break off our engagement?”

“Because, I thought I would be better off on my own as I worked to achieve my goal.” His eyes were focused on Abigail. “And while I may no longer believe I took the right path I have come too far to change my decision. Whatever you desire from me I can no longer freely give.”

“Freely give,” she mimicked a little coldly, “is a nice phrase to use to say, ‘it was a good time, but sorry, I’m not interested anymore.”

Roy seemed to flare up underneath her statement, “That’s not true,” he snapped back, almost as angry as Ed had ever seen him, “Because I still do care, I’ve always hoped that you’d find somebody else to love you instead of lingering on me. As much as I used to care, I’m no longer in love with you. There is a difference, and you once told me that there was one. When I broke the engagement you said you had always known I simply loved you, that I wanted somebody by my side like Hughes had. And if it had be meant to be we would have stuck together. You also told me that you felt the same. Are you taking that back now?”

Abigail subsided in her anger a bit, and Ed saw the deep sadness in her eyes and realized that she had for a few moments been reliving what she had once felt for Mustang, and that his words had reminded her of what had been decided before. What she had decided before, and now she realized the anger she had felt was simply a moment of weakness, a desire to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

Except, it hadn’t worked, because Roy – despite all his other hang-ups in life – had somehow managed to come to terms with this one.

Ed felt bad for a moment, but soon as he watched Abigail lift her head with just a hint of tears upon her lashes, he realized that everything would be all right in the end. That what had ended would stay ended for all eternity.

As he looked on the realization came to him with a sharp snap. Would he end up like Abigail had said he might? Would he end up being unable to let go of Mustang when the man finally let him go? Would he still feel the hurt and anger Abigail had felt towards him? Would he ever be able to move on with his life? Did he want those feelings that Abigail was now showing?

Ed had always thought that he was tough – tougher than most people, but now as he sat and watched he realized just how vulnerable he truly was. He lowered his head as Abigail and Roy talked for a few more minutes.

He stood all of a sudden, sending the chair he was sitting in scraping across the floor. “Well, it seems we’re done here. I’m going to go do some more research. So…see you later,” and darted out of the room.

Abigail looked at Roy who had watched the young man’s exit. “You should go after him. I think I may have scared him with all the talk…about being unable to stop loving you. Even if it is just a fling for you and him, he’s now probably terrified he’s in love with you, or that once you leave him, he’ll be unable to get over him.” She studied Roy’s face. “Unless…you’re not planning on leaving him. In that case I would tell him that too. If you intend on making him a long term person in your life that is. I hesitate to say the word ‘boyfriend’ because you two are certainly past that. You two have known each other longer than you’ve been interested in each other. I’m sure you’d be able to work something out if it came to that.”

Roy slowly stood from his own seat and looked at Abigail. “Thank you. You’ve put me in my place again, and reminded me why I should be good to him,” he looked at the door. “I know that I enjoy his company and that I’m not quite keen on letting him go quite yet. But love? I’m not sure that’s on the table.”

As he left, Abigail murmured to herself, “You’d be surprised.”

She sat in silence on the chair for a moment and tried not to let herself cry. This meeting had proved what she thought, that things were truly over with Roy Mustang. Although it had hurt to see him again after all these years, she was in a way glad she had. She had finally been able to find some closure after all the pain she had had to go through.

Through the walls she could hear the thin strain of conversation growing higher and higher.

Well, she thought, those two certainly won’t have it easy if they decide to stay together.